Naach Program
After my plus two exam I was in my village. My father wanted me to look after the Dauni. Dauni is a process where a bunch of highly unskilled laborers without following any safety norms separate wheat from the crop and with the help of a machine called ‘Thresher’. I was busy doing Dauni when a guy appeared. He told me that Baaraat would leave at any moment. My cousin brother “Nirmal” was getting married. He is one year old to me. Let’s go.
Next thing, I found myself cramped between six men in the middle seat of a Maruti Van. Just behind my seat, eight men were enjoying the third class luxury. They were so happy as if they were going on the moon. I heard that they booked their place the day marriage got finalized. Nobody was ready to get down. I heard that a distant uncle of mine, a very respected Munsi of lower court, also wanted to sit in that area. He didn’t get a place and he threatened my Uncle to get ready for legal consequences.
In Bihar we respect our driver so much that we always call their name with Saheb suffixed. Like Driver Saheb, Islam Saheb, Tunna Saheb, Ram Nihora Saheb etc etc. On the other hand they respect the registration number of their vehicles. If you will ask a driver which car he drives? He will tell you 3654(read Chattish Chauan) or 7411 or 2255. I was special because driver of our car Ramgulam Saheb got very friendly and realised that I am a towny. He told us many stories on our way to bride’s home. He told us about his unique abilities. One of them was that once he drove a jeep so fast that the engine of the jeep blasted like a bomb. By the grace of God nothing happened to him and the owner. And how he managed an engine just in five days from Kolkata’s chor bazar.
Ramgulam Saheb was a great fan of Naach. My brother Nirmal “The Groom” was taken to Mandap. Ramgulam Saheb took me to the Naach program. In our society Naach has its sociological importance. It is a platform where kids like me get exposure. It is a journey from childhood to manhood. We sat in front row because we were from the Groom’s side.
On the stage four men and two women were fixing up their musical instruments. The guy who was the in charge of the mike was saying words like: chake (Check)(with echo effect)……. chake chake chake chake…….. 123…123 123 123 123 123……… chake…chake chake chake chake……. banya wala loudspekar….. banya wala loudspekar banya wala loudspekar…….. ……chake…chake chakechake….. Boofer…boofer boofer boofer boofer boofer chake ….chake chake chake chake Tooter (tweeter) tooter tooter tooter tooter…. chake…chake chake chake…….
In between you would be hearing a sound which more or less sounds like a dog’s yawning koooooooooooooonnnnn,…………kooooooooonnnnnnnnoooo.
Once the old Ahuja audio system got fixed, a middle-aged man came up on the stage and started jumping on it. Before I would have asked Ramgulam Saheb, he like a true campaigner whispered in my ear: “Stage check kar raha hai” or he is checking the stage. After a series of different kinds of jump that gentleman had given his approval.
A guy in black shirt and white pant came on the stage with a mike in one hand and a diary in other.
He told us a sayari: “Lootne ka yadi tumhe saukh hai to lootaane ka humai Aaj raat tum daket ho loot lo bhare khazane. Hazraat pesh kar raha hoon Bakhri (a place in Begusarai district) ki mahbooba, Bihar ki dhadkan, stage ki mallika, atom bomb….. Sonali Diamond.”
A girl in red choli and yellow ghaghra came running on the stage. Despite technology like mikes and amplifier, the singers were singing loudly. In five minutes I realized the importance of stage checking. Each jump was followed by gunshots and vice versa. The beauty of this jump dance is that it has got lots of oomph factor.
Sonali diamond had got a loud make-up all over the body. It is a special make-up where they mix shining particles in powder. So you could say her face was full of twinkling stars. Her back less choli had a really low V -Shape cut. Stars were twinkling on her cleavage and how. Her midriff was in competition with her cleavage.
I looked at Ramgulam Saheb whose eyes were fixed like an ex-ray machine. Music slowed down for a moment. One announcement happened: “Sonali Diamond ko egyarah rupiyai ka nazrana aaya hai gadi no. 5469 se. This was an alarm for Ramgulam saheb or car number 1111. Next announcement came very quickly: Sonali Diamond ke naach se bahut khus ho kar gadi no. 1111 ne bhet kiya hai 21 rupiya.
Now it was a matter of pride for two groups. 5469 was trying to dominate 1111. And 1111 was trying to overcome 5469. After a while I realised it had gone into a different area. It was basically Bride’s side VS Groom’s side. Ramgulam saheb had finally taken the edge. He gifted Rs.101. Sonali Diamond came down to Ramgulam Saheb. Ramgulam Saheb without wasting a second stood up on his chair and took out his Three Natta or Tamancha a locally made pistol. Only then did I realise it was not Amitabh Bachchan but a Three Natta which forced him to sit a leaning sideways.
Ramgulam saheb clicked his so-called Six Round, nothing happened. He clicked it again and again. Nothing happened. Finally he opened the gun. Took out the bullet and lubricated it with his saliva. Put it back in the barrel. Boom. The firing was followed by many more gunshots. I was looking at Sonali Diamond. She was so attractive. She had deadly eyes. Big and kajarare and very mysterious. Sonali realised that I was looking at her. She had pulled a chair and sat just in front of me. She covered me with her pallu. She put her hand in my shirt’s pocket and took out the money. She kept it in her blouse. She looked into my eyes. My eyes went down. At that point of time I felt a strong wave inside my body. She realised that I was a first timer. She shifted her focus. Focus was on Mr. Ramgulam Saheb.
I looked around. I got a great applause from my entire relatives like mama, chacha, fufa, bhaiyaa all. For them I was a warrior who kept the family pride high. I was enjoying the glory when Ramgulam Saheb did something to Sonali Diamond. Later I heard that he kissed Sonali. In a second 5469 group came into the action. Stage was set. Sonali was a heroine, 5469 group was a hero and Ramgulam Saheb or 1111 was a villian.
After an hour of intense growling both the party means 5469 group and 1111 group had realised that time had come to do a compromise. One old man had done the formalities. He said words of admiration for both the parties.
In Bihar like mutual admiration, compromise is also a practice. They admired each other’s Saman (Firearms). They went together to find Sonali Diamond. She with her singer, dancer and musician friends vanished from the spot. Later Ramgulam Saheb told me that once a Nachniya (The Dancer) gets tired purposely they do this kind of stunt.
Till today my father pretends as if he does not know anything. Maa a school teacher never allowed me to attend any Barat again.
